On the Menu: Old People Food
Last I checked I still had my own teeth. Well, almost all of them, but that freak one in the back was a baby tooth and was never going to make it through my twenties. Anyway, for the past few days my stomach has inexplicably forgotten that it is, in fact, an INTERNAL organ. Thankfully, it didn’t successfully escape, but everything I’ve ever swallowed in my life made it out in the process. that’s what she said…”
So back to my teefs. My fever is down from one zillion degrees and I’m finally feeling brave enough to test out the tummy again, so in my mind the best thing to do is deliver a massive gift basket of delicious treats down my throat in order to convince my GI system that life ain’t so bad inside my body. Right? Well, thank God I have friends who aren’t retarded like me, because they knew that food made for empty-mouthed old people is what I actually needed.
I’ve had a lot of time for soul searching during the past 36 hours of hell, and one thing I’ve discovered is that chewing is soooo overrated! Applesauce is my new favorite treat. Maybe it’s the fever still talking but that mushy mush is like heaven in my mouth. AND with no chewing, it does all the work for me! Talk about having my cake applesauce and eating it, too.
The next step is soup and crackers, which I’m ridiculously pumped about. There’s nothing like the stomach flu to bring back one’s enthusiasm and zest for life. Forget Prozac, just pump everyone full of H1N1 and see how happy they feel when it’s all over. It worked for me, and I know my logic is always sound. Except for whenever I try to think logically, of course.
Soup time, pray for me.
